Doulas: I Couldn't Have done It without One!
Ever since I took a women's health course led by a nurse-midwife in college, I knew I would give birth in the most natural way possible. My professor stressed that a doula is extremely beneficial for women no matter what form of birth they want to have. A doula is a trained professional who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to a mother before, during, and shortly after childbirth to help her achieve the healthiest, most satisfying experience possible. So it's no shocker that when I found out I was pregnant, a doula was one of the first things I saved up for because they ain't cheap!
I start searching for my doula a few weeks before I entered my third trimester. The three main things I was looking for were somebody black, someone who knew what they were doing (not necessarily certified), and someone who would be able to understand me. I know that I can be a lot on a regular day so while a baby is leaving my vagina headfirst, it's gonna be a mess! I also dealt with really bad anxiety before I got pregnant and I just felt like I would need that extra support to get me through it. I was right. I started my search like anyone else, on google and I wasn't really finding much. Instagram was next and still, I was coming up pretty short. I don't know if there aren't many black doulas in Detroit or what but I was having a hard time. Luckily I stumbled across an old friend who happened to be a new doula. I set up a consultation to learn more about doulas as a whole. I really recommend checking out more than one doula because you need to be 100 percent sure. In the consultation, I asked her soooo many questions. I asked stuff like
- How long have you been a doula?
- Whats the wildest birth you witnessed
- Do you have lactation services?
- In the case of a c-section how would you help?
- How would you incorporate my child's father in the laboring techniques?
- How will you advocate for me?
Literally, ask them whatever you want because at the end of the day you will be paying for their services. The prices I saw for doula's ranged from 500-2000 dollars. One day I stumbled across blackdoulas.org and found Womb Wise Co. and my doula Khalifah Green. It was love at first sight! You know how you just know when something is meant to be? That's how I felt. After interviewing a few people, I was starting to get worried but our consultation went great. Immediately she incorporated the dad and addressed both of us. We had small side conversations, and she was just real. It was definitely worth the wait.
Our first session was online because of Covid obviously when I was 28 weeks and we covered so much. The convo lasted 3 hrs but we learned about all the stages of labor and different types and pain medication and all the benefits of going natural vs the other options. The next week I was in the hospital and honestly, that first session prepared me so much. she was very flexible and we had our second meeting in the hospital discussing food, exercise, and after labor. When it was go time she was ready and to this day me and my boyfriend give her alllll the credit. It was our first time meeting and you would've thought I met her a year ago. She came in while I was having a contraction and got right to showing techniques. Based on my special situation that was exactly what I needed. She really showed my partner how to help me and she brought lavender and massage tools and really just did whatever she could to make me feel comfortable regardless of what the hospital did. I was confined to my bed with an IV in my arm and a bedpan/ bedside commode but I was able to labor naturally all the way until I was in the operating room. She taught me breathing techniques on the spot, let me squeeze her arm as tight as I could, and helped us get our minds away from laboring when possible. Without my doula, I would have been the only Black person besides my boyfriend in the room and I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to advocate for myself like I did.
My biggest advice for new moms or moms who are just now deciding to get a doula is to go with your gut. If possible don't focus on the price and definitely don’t listen to what no one else has to say (I
definitely had family members say that a doula was unnecessary). When you are in labor if you just have an ob-gyn, you are by yourself pretty much until it’s time to push. A doula is there every step of the way. You need that support seriously. If I’m ever blessed to get pregnant again, I am definitely getting a doula. It’s a non-negotiable.
